I Feel Like Dirty Dancing!

Oh No, Miss Celie! I feel like dirty dancing!

Another Friday

So, here we are. Another Friday afternoon, and I am doing nothing special, nor is nothing special doing me.

Knowing & Growing - I Like It!

I woke up yesterday morning and began watching the news on television while I waited for my coffee to brew. It was as I watched the reports on the flooding in Mississippi and Louisiana that my thoughts became filled with thoughts of a very special friend who is from the affected area, and who has family down there still. I was sitting there contemplating whether to call him or not when 'ding!', he logged in to messenger. Funny. When I said hello to him, he laughed at me! Why? Turns out, he had logged on to the p c because he was thinking of me, and wanted to load some images of me on to his new phone sim-card... 

I Appreciate The Bureau of Automobile Repair in California

I have not written for a couple of weeks, which I think I must attribute to total laziness. There have been a ton of things on my mind, which really could have benefited by my writing my way through them, but instead I allowed myself to get caught up in my head, instead of working out on paper those thoughts that have been tending to make me 'constipated' when it comes to my blog. 
I have been running myself in circles dealing with car repair issues, and a mechanic who wants to treat women as if they are slightly stupid. Something I found out that has been quite helpful in getting the repair shop to see things my way - In California, there is an agency called the bureau of automobile repair. This agency is there as a consumer support/complaint place and they assist you in getting repairs completed correctly for folks who feel they are being cheated or given the run-around by their mechanic. All I can say is that invoking the name of the Bureau of Automobile Repair certainly made a difference in the attitude and the treatment I received from the mechanic who spent a lot of time trying to bullshit me out of my money. 

It has been a number of weeks since I have had words to put on paper. Not because there have not been things that I needed to think =- or write - my way through, but because there have been so many things happening, and my mind has been trying to work my way through the challenges that I have been experiencing. There have been signs of resolution in the majority of the challenges, but I am still working my way through a couple of hurdles.
I hope I have this handled by the end of the week... I really need to let go of the mental constipation and remember that through writing and speaking about that which is going on in my life the solution can be found.

Weekends Are Made for Meeting New Folks - and Stalkers?

Interesting, how things which seem out of the ordinary can take on a dark hue; an unfamiliarly dark tone which puts your head in a foreign place - far different than the space your thoughts normally inhabit. True story.

This past weekend, while I was out walking and enjoying the sunshine that appeared between the frequent downpours of rain, a man whom I had seen on a number of occasions during my walks began pacing next to me, and chatting. He seemed innocuous enough, and while he may have thought he was giving off a 'metro' vibe, I thought he was actually more tilted towards gay. (I think his third of fourth sentence to me was 'I love how you have your eyebrows arched!) Seriously, he had the lip-purse and relaxed-wrist mannerisms which I have observed in many of my gay male friends. I think I can be forgiven for believing as I did in this instance.

To Sir, With Love

Thank you, Sir.

Thank You!

Thank you. Thank you. Thank You!

Ten days of stressing myself out about a biopsy... Negative. Negative. Negative.

Thank you!

Notable By Virtue of the Absence Of Notability

Yesterday evening, I experienced several moments that were notable primarily because of the absence of anything notable taking place, and the absolute feeling of contentment I felt during those few moments.

Thoughts That Wanted Out

There are days when I wonder why I even bother with some folks who are on the periphery of my life. Today is one of those days. The energy I expend dealing with them and their mess depletes me to the point of exhaustion sometimes. I am slowly but surely arriving at a place where it doesn't hurt when I contemplate stepping back and stopping my efforts to maintain the semblance of pleasure in their presence, and allowing my real feelings to dictate my actions, or my inaction, with regards to maintaining these relationships - though 'relationship' seems to be too strong a word for the interactions I have with some of these folk. 

Insignificant? Not I. Now Look At Yourself

Insignificant?

That is the very last thing I am or could ever be.
Some folks have obvious and erroneously exaggerated impressions of their own value and worth as compared to others, thereby revealing their emotional inadequacies and interpersonal awkwardnesses. 
However, an over inflated self-opinion is not a problem I have. The problem I have is patience. If I ask you a fuckin' question. five weeks ago, then two weeks ago, and again yesterday, I expect a FRIEND to fuckin' provide the answers. So then, this begs the question - how deluded am I to think that I am considered a friend to someone so inconsiderate?  
Pissing off someone whom I feel is acting like an asshole by pushing has never bothered me: it's not pushing that makes me feel as if I am acting like a weak bitch - and I am NEVER that. 


Post Script: I HATE being promised something which never materializes. I can't ignore the lack of follow-through. That pisses me off more than being told to fuck off. In fact it pisses me off so deeply to be ignored that I push until I am told to fuck off. What the hell do I care about the anger of a person who does not keep their PROMISES.

In Honor of Daylight Savings Time

Spring Ahead

Saturday = Date Night? Not For Moi...

There are days when I wonder why I am not more content with life. This is one of them. 

Breaking News!!!

The Pity Train has just derailed at the intersection of Suck It Up & Move On.

The Pity Train then crashed into We All Have Problems before coming to a complete stop at Get the Hell Over It. 
Reporting LIVE - Quitchur Bitchin'

Big (Hamster) Wheels Keep On Turnin'

Sometimes I forget that I am supposed to be writing for myself, so I don't write those things that may be about someone or something that I have thoughts or feelings on at the moment. Why do I do that? I don't know, but I do know that today it stops. 

Get Off Your Ass, Girl!

If I tell you that I am at the end of my rope with myself, then you should believe what I am saying (especially since I am talking to myself, which is when we tend to be the most honest in our lives). I have grown weary with my laziness and general ennui, ever since the appendectomy. While the surgery was a legitimate reason for not exercising, I now feel as if I am bullshitting myself and forgetting my goals, as I sit here feeling my ass spread beyond it's desired boundaries. 

It's time to get my butt up and moving, and get back in track to the beautiful beast that I am meant to be.

Monday - The Masturbation Memo

For the first time in about six weeks, I broke out the dildo, Kama Sutra oil, and loaded some porn on the laptop. I tend to choose porn videos which have light-skinned women and chocolate-skinned men - men with long lickably-thick cocks. 

I Suck At Waiting...

Here it is, Thursday morning and I am awake already waiting for a telephone interview at 10:00 AM. I have been on tenterhooks all week, while I wait for this company to offer me my job. It's not their job! It's mine, and they and I both know it, so stop playing and start paying!

"What The Fuck?" Friday

I have decided to let this day end early, as it has been an emotionally weird day for me, and not a day which I care to prolong, for that reason alone. Is there something in the air which is causing me to be overly emotional about ridiculous things, or is it a signal of final morning for those thoughts and things which brought the sadness into my day? I would love to say that this is the turning point in my period of mourning  for those things  I feel I have lost, and that I am finally moving on and allowing myself to forget those hurts and forge ahead past lost or failed relationships - and the failed non-relationships, but the fucked up truth is I know that would be a lie. I can't lie to myself with conviction though, so there is no point in trying.

Thursday Morning Thoughts

I woke up this morning to the sound of the wind blowing and rain slamming against the windows. Magnificent! I don't know why I get so pumped up and turned on by the wind and the rain, but it always brings with it the desire to indulge in  lascivious acts with a dark-skinned, athletically muscled, free with his inner freak man.

Just Words - On Electronic Paper

I have been so far away from the keyboard that it feels as if I am constipated with unsaid - or unwritten - words. I thought I would have released a lot of them this weekend, but it turns out, I just didn't feel it. 

Three Weeks Backwards - Ugh!

Three weeks ago, I could do exactly three Mayweather sit ups.

 

Today I cannot do one. Fricken appendectomy. 

It Has Been A BUSY Couple Of Weeks

The last couple of weeks have been busier than I had any expectation of them being, but I am not unhappy with that. I do however, feel remiss in my writing. In truth, I think I feel a little bit backed up with the unwritten words of the past couple weeks. Not to worry. I will have plenty of time, and a ton to say when I sit down to write this weekend. So much on my mind to write my way through.

Can You Say 'Appendectomy'?

I can. I can also say ouch, ow, and WOW! Not a good time this past weekend, but I am back home today, and going to be taking it slow for a minute. 
Pain on par with that of childbirth. 

Destroy The Past - Move On With The Game?

You know, I have been sitting here contemplating cleaning off a lot of old correspondence and photos from my hard drive. The problem is most of the things come from a single person for whom I have carried significant feelings over a number of years, until recently.

Masturbatory Moods

I was just sitting here, allowing my thoughts to flow where they may. This seems to be a day in which I have no control over the direction they take anyway. Interestingly, I find myself dwelling on thoughts of pornography. Perhaps this is one of those days where I should be following he philosophy of 'when in doubt, rub one out'. Of course, when I take matters in to my own hands, I like to watch a bit of porn appropriate to my masturbatory mood. 

Well, Hell

I am somewhat disappointed in myself today, because I find my thoughts to be more of a jumble than I want or need them to be for a Monday morning. 

Another Sunday Morning

Another Sunday morning, and I am sitting here on the couch watching Bobbie Jones Gospel. Man! These ladies ‘Sweet Honey In The Rock can sing up a storm! They create awesome harmonies. 

I am not sure why I feel so at peace this morning, but the feeling is so notable, I could not help but write it down and recognize it as a moment that is worthy of comment.

Unable & Unwilling To Be Your Enabler

What a multiplicity of mental images I am experiencing this morning. Lo’ though I might wish it were otherwise, I am unable to jump off the hamster wheel and look at one thought at a time. These are the days when I have to just sit down and start typing, and see where it leads.

Feels Like Sunday

I woke up this morning to the thrill of having yesterdays desire fulfilled. I can think of nothing better before I bounce out of the bed than the feeling I get when I feel hard cock sinking slowly pushing its way deep inside of me. Laying on my side, ass pushed back, making my back look like a reverse 'C', making sure my clit feels the friction as that dick slips in and out. THAT is the right way to start any day. 

Misty Morning Dew - I Mean Do Me

I woke up this morning and my first thought was – that I fully recall – I want some dick. I am not talking about dick with a whole lot of preamble.

Mae West Knows Best ;)

Sex with love is the greatest thing in life. 
But sex without love - that's not so bad either.~ Mae West

Travel Time for This Tramp!

Finally! I shall be taking my trip across the country to visit folks on the other side of the U S of A, which I originally planned back in September. My activities are going to be a bit different than I had planned, but as life evolves one adjust and adapts to what is relevant in their life now, as opposed to what was good then. 

Released

Over the last few days, I had to take a break from writing because my mind was consumed with thoughts of someone whom I had to focus on letting go. 

There are people who come in to your life and seem to be a person who add so  much to your daily life. That is what I thought of this person for years. After stepping back and looking at what they add or offer me, in return for all they asked of me, I realized that they are intrinsically selfish and manipulative. They offer everything, in words, but do nothing in action. While I am grateful to them for some of the inhibitions and fears they helped me to overcome in the past four years, I find that my resentment for their failures to step up and over the bar, to be equally yoked within our relationship outweighs all other positive feelings I have had over the past 4 years.

So, after allowing myself a few days of mourning for the loss of a dream, I have returned to my blog.

Away we go….

Real Girlfriends - I Miss Having Them Near

Something I miss having in my life these days is that circle of REAL friends – actually REAL girlfriends.

A Return To Un-Deluded & Undiluted Writing

Beyond the lies I told myself, this past year has seen me at a loss for words when it came to writing fiction or erotica.

What Are My Plans For 2011?

Oh So Close! Gimme A Hand?

Here's What's Important To Me

Hazard Warning! I Have Been thinking Again

Thinking can sometimes be hazardous for me, as many times, against all of my emotional attempts to deny the truth, my logical mind makes itself heard when I switch to thinking mode. In this particular situation which I have been actively working from an emotional place, my thinking moment today let logic come in and present some scenarios which - based on recent experience - are much more likely to be representative of the truth of the matter. 

Some More Monday!

Wow. I can not be unhappy with this mornings events. I have received a telephone call requesting that I meet with someone whom I have previously worked with, though only briefly. They are looking for someone to fill the executive assistant role in their organization which just so happens to be my area of expertise. I am more than happy to be called to be interviewed for this slot. 

Monday - Monday

Today is the official beginning of a new year of seeking employment. So far this week I only have one interview scheduled, but I am hoping to hear from another person whom I also did a telephone interview with last week about an opportunity in Oakland. 

Watching Football in a Skirt and High Heels

Today I am just in a mood to enjoy my feminine side. It doesn't need exploring; I found it a long time ago. 

Released Me - I Am Letting Loose

There is something going on inside me. I am finding a sense of liberation welling up within me. The more I allow myself to write what I want to say, rather than worry about what someone else may read, the better and freer I feel. It's not something I set out to achieve; I had no particular goal when I began to write this particular blog beyond writing my thoughts, ideas, or feelings on whatever struck me at the moment I began writing. Well, now that the liberation has begun, I sure as hell have no intention of reigning it back in.

Orgasmic Optomist

What's on my mind this morning? In all honesty, I have to confess to being consumed with the thought of sex - heated, wet, sweaty, talk nasty (not dirty) to me, I just got fucked sex. I want my first fuck of 2011 to kick off the year in the manner in which I prefer to go on.

And So We Begin

I woke up this morning and the rain was falling outside my window. I could hear it hitting the leaves of the trees and landing in the ivy between my building and the one next to me. I just lay there listening and letting my thoughts roam where they may.