Released Me - I Am Letting Loose

There is something going on inside me. I am finding a sense of liberation welling up within me. The more I allow myself to write what I want to say, rather than worry about what someone else may read, the better and freer I feel. It's not something I set out to achieve; I had no particular goal when I began to write this particular blog beyond writing my thoughts, ideas, or feelings on whatever struck me at the moment I began writing. Well, now that the liberation has begun, I sure as hell have no intention of reigning it back in.

Too much of my life is spent feeling as if no one is listening to what I am saying, or that they are skipping to what they think is pertinent. The truth of the matter is if I didn't feel as if each word were pertinent to the message I am trying to convey, I would not have included them. It generally results in my having to repeat and re-emphasize the relevance of missed or skipped dialogue to the offending person. I hate it when that happens, and it happens all too often.
That is another reason I am writing this blog without the inhibition I would experience were I attempting to write to a particular audience, or to any audience for that matter. I am writing to and for myself, and allowing for eavesdroppers. That's what I choose to call anyone who may happen upon this blog- eavesdroppers. You are welcome to read, welcome to comment, and welcome to go out the same way you came in if you don't like what I write about. It's not about you; It's ALL about me.
I had a thought which led me to begin writing on the day that I did. It went something like this - "Who am I that I must concern myself with what my 'public' may think about what I say? Who is my 'public' and why is their possible opinion more important than my desire and need to write or blow up from the force of a trillion words unexpressed? I am no one special and my nebulous public is notable only by it's absence. As I have not been myself for the past couple of years in the manner in which I write, speak, or interact, how can I have a public that matters? For me, the only public that can matter is the public that relates to me.
I'm done twisting myself in the manner of a stiff contortionist - at best - to write what is okay to be said or heard by - others. I think it's time I bent over and rested my hands - one each just above my ever increasingly toned ass cheeks while standing there in my version of a booty-clappers pose. And this is when I say what I really feel: If what I have to say, or what I express in my writing does not please you, perhaps bending over and placing your lips on my ass will please me.
That is what it is all about when I write now - pleasing me and worrying about you a distant third.