Big (Hamster) Wheels Keep On Turnin'

Sometimes I forget that I am supposed to be writing for myself, so I don't write those things that may be about someone or something that I have thoughts or feelings on at the moment. Why do I do that? I don't know, but I do know that today it stops. 

So what is on my mind right now? I am sitting here wondering why it is so difficult for me to internally forgive someone who has hurt my feelings, but has yet to acknowledge their acts. I guess the main reason I find it difficult to forgive them is because I feel as if they keep blowing smoke up my ass with their act of being the 'victim'. If they would open their mouth, or type out on their keyboard, and speak about their actions and how they know those actions affected me, and SINCERELY apologize while HONESTLY admitting to certain truths that I discovered, I know that I could then let the past be the past. Sadly, they continue to behave as if those 'deceits' don't exist, and I continue to ride the waves of  love/hate emotions with regards to them. I feel that I am too often consumed with thoughts of this person, but a lot of it comes from my ire at feeling incompletely acknowledged and mea culpa'd. I deserve acknowledgment and apologies, though even if I get them, it won't restore the degree of open trust I had for them, nor the unconditional love I freely gave. So, the hamster wheel spins with the question, why do I not let this situation and relationship go, and move on, for my own mental health?

That is indeed a question which I want to answer for myself, but I guess the element of time is a factor in the whole 'moving on' process. I'll get around to it: I am so much closer than I was, but not nearly as 'done' as I am going to get.