Hazard Warning! I Have Been thinking Again

Thinking can sometimes be hazardous for me, as many times, against all of my emotional attempts to deny the truth, my logical mind makes itself heard when I switch to thinking mode. In this particular situation which I have been actively working from an emotional place, my thinking moment today let logic come in and present some scenarios which - based on recent experience - are much more likely to be representative of the truth of the matter. 

So in what situation did logic inflict itself, forever impeding my emotional ability to make the situation look pretty, albeit with the use of constantly worn, heavily coated rose colored glasses? Logic has inserted itself and used its power to reveal to me how unequally yolked by interest, effort, even desire, myself and an acquaintance were relative to our more intimate encounters or exchanges. Egged on by this acquaintance, who has a mutual interest in voyeurism and exhibitionism, I pushed myself to overcome some of my own hugely restrictive inhibitions, and while I am extremely proud of myself for having conquered my own fear and accomplished several things which I have wanted, the reciprocity between this acquaintance and me was exactly zip nada and zero. From the mildest request, up to and through the most salacious of suggested shared activities, I got nothing but words, promising my 'surprise' was on the way, but in return, I got air. It took me a couple of months to catch on that time to reciprocate was not the problem; a total lack of attention or interest in mutuality was the culprit. The tangible products of my efforts were done at the request, behest and expressed desire of my acquaintance to share certain activities and interest - mutually documenting them by film and photo to share with each other, solely for our mutual titillation and delectation. Instead, what I got was repeat images from several years ago, and other images which I hadn't seen, but which I know were not created for me, nor shared with just myself. Tacky? I say yes. My honest feelings about that type of laziness? I equate their actions to giving me the same engagement ring they gave their last fiance, and then wondering why I think they have lost their natural fucking mind. But that's me.
What has the failure of this acquaintance to - in their own words - step up to the bar, and step over that bitch often, done for/to me? It made me stop using the word friend when I write about them for one thing. My anger at being led down a path, which is what it feels like at times, only to be pushed off a cliff by myself rises and falls. It increases, my anger does, with each ego-hurting moment when I have to actively acknowledge my own gullibility for wanting so very much for them to be sincere - even though the majority of their behavior in the past year or so would tend to negate any possible hope of that. I am working on myself though, more than I am worrying about making, begging, asking, or being unhappy that someone else doesn't live up to their own words and stated intentions. I am actively directing any distress around this never-to-be-equal acquaintanceship to appreciate or accomplish something positive and progressive for myself. Matter of fact, I am damn glad I bought those Zumba DVD's. I feel the need to shake something right now, so why not let it be my ass? Emotional hurt being redirected into becoming Imminently (and Immediately) Fuck-able. 

LET'S GET READY TO ZUMBA!!