I Feel Like Dirty Dancing!

Oh No, Miss Celie! I feel like dirty dancing!

Another Friday

So, here we are. Another Friday afternoon, and I am doing nothing special, nor is nothing special doing me.

Knowing & Growing - I Like It!

I woke up yesterday morning and began watching the news on television while I waited for my coffee to brew. It was as I watched the reports on the flooding in Mississippi and Louisiana that my thoughts became filled with thoughts of a very special friend who is from the affected area, and who has family down there still. I was sitting there contemplating whether to call him or not when 'ding!', he logged in to messenger. Funny. When I said hello to him, he laughed at me! Why? Turns out, he had logged on to the p c because he was thinking of me, and wanted to load some images of me on to his new phone sim-card... 

I Appreciate The Bureau of Automobile Repair in California

I have not written for a couple of weeks, which I think I must attribute to total laziness. There have been a ton of things on my mind, which really could have benefited by my writing my way through them, but instead I allowed myself to get caught up in my head, instead of working out on paper those thoughts that have been tending to make me 'constipated' when it comes to my blog. 
I have been running myself in circles dealing with car repair issues, and a mechanic who wants to treat women as if they are slightly stupid. Something I found out that has been quite helpful in getting the repair shop to see things my way - In California, there is an agency called the bureau of automobile repair. This agency is there as a consumer support/complaint place and they assist you in getting repairs completed correctly for folks who feel they are being cheated or given the run-around by their mechanic. All I can say is that invoking the name of the Bureau of Automobile Repair certainly made a difference in the attitude and the treatment I received from the mechanic who spent a lot of time trying to bullshit me out of my money. 

It has been a number of weeks since I have had words to put on paper. Not because there have not been things that I needed to think =- or write - my way through, but because there have been so many things happening, and my mind has been trying to work my way through the challenges that I have been experiencing. There have been signs of resolution in the majority of the challenges, but I am still working my way through a couple of hurdles.
I hope I have this handled by the end of the week... I really need to let go of the mental constipation and remember that through writing and speaking about that which is going on in my life the solution can be found.

Weekends Are Made for Meeting New Folks - and Stalkers?

Interesting, how things which seem out of the ordinary can take on a dark hue; an unfamiliarly dark tone which puts your head in a foreign place - far different than the space your thoughts normally inhabit. True story.

This past weekend, while I was out walking and enjoying the sunshine that appeared between the frequent downpours of rain, a man whom I had seen on a number of occasions during my walks began pacing next to me, and chatting. He seemed innocuous enough, and while he may have thought he was giving off a 'metro' vibe, I thought he was actually more tilted towards gay. (I think his third of fourth sentence to me was 'I love how you have your eyebrows arched!) Seriously, he had the lip-purse and relaxed-wrist mannerisms which I have observed in many of my gay male friends. I think I can be forgiven for believing as I did in this instance.

To Sir, With Love

Thank you, Sir.

Thank You!

Thank you. Thank you. Thank You!

Ten days of stressing myself out about a biopsy... Negative. Negative. Negative.

Thank you!

Notable By Virtue of the Absence Of Notability

Yesterday evening, I experienced several moments that were notable primarily because of the absence of anything notable taking place, and the absolute feeling of contentment I felt during those few moments.

Thoughts That Wanted Out

There are days when I wonder why I even bother with some folks who are on the periphery of my life. Today is one of those days. The energy I expend dealing with them and their mess depletes me to the point of exhaustion sometimes. I am slowly but surely arriving at a place where it doesn't hurt when I contemplate stepping back and stopping my efforts to maintain the semblance of pleasure in their presence, and allowing my real feelings to dictate my actions, or my inaction, with regards to maintaining these relationships - though 'relationship' seems to be too strong a word for the interactions I have with some of these folk. 

Insignificant? Not I. Now Look At Yourself

Insignificant?

That is the very last thing I am or could ever be.
Some folks have obvious and erroneously exaggerated impressions of their own value and worth as compared to others, thereby revealing their emotional inadequacies and interpersonal awkwardnesses. 
However, an over inflated self-opinion is not a problem I have. The problem I have is patience. If I ask you a fuckin' question. five weeks ago, then two weeks ago, and again yesterday, I expect a FRIEND to fuckin' provide the answers. So then, this begs the question - how deluded am I to think that I am considered a friend to someone so inconsiderate?  
Pissing off someone whom I feel is acting like an asshole by pushing has never bothered me: it's not pushing that makes me feel as if I am acting like a weak bitch - and I am NEVER that. 


Post Script: I HATE being promised something which never materializes. I can't ignore the lack of follow-through. That pisses me off more than being told to fuck off. In fact it pisses me off so deeply to be ignored that I push until I am told to fuck off. What the hell do I care about the anger of a person who does not keep their PROMISES.

In Honor of Daylight Savings Time

Spring Ahead

Saturday = Date Night? Not For Moi...

There are days when I wonder why I am not more content with life. This is one of them. 

Breaking News!!!

The Pity Train has just derailed at the intersection of Suck It Up & Move On.

The Pity Train then crashed into We All Have Problems before coming to a complete stop at Get the Hell Over It. 
Reporting LIVE - Quitchur Bitchin'

Big (Hamster) Wheels Keep On Turnin'

Sometimes I forget that I am supposed to be writing for myself, so I don't write those things that may be about someone or something that I have thoughts or feelings on at the moment. Why do I do that? I don't know, but I do know that today it stops. 

Get Off Your Ass, Girl!

If I tell you that I am at the end of my rope with myself, then you should believe what I am saying (especially since I am talking to myself, which is when we tend to be the most honest in our lives). I have grown weary with my laziness and general ennui, ever since the appendectomy. While the surgery was a legitimate reason for not exercising, I now feel as if I am bullshitting myself and forgetting my goals, as I sit here feeling my ass spread beyond it's desired boundaries. 

It's time to get my butt up and moving, and get back in track to the beautiful beast that I am meant to be.

Monday - The Masturbation Memo

For the first time in about six weeks, I broke out the dildo, Kama Sutra oil, and loaded some porn on the laptop. I tend to choose porn videos which have light-skinned women and chocolate-skinned men - men with long lickably-thick cocks. 

I Suck At Waiting...

Here it is, Thursday morning and I am awake already waiting for a telephone interview at 10:00 AM. I have been on tenterhooks all week, while I wait for this company to offer me my job. It's not their job! It's mine, and they and I both know it, so stop playing and start paying!

"What The Fuck?" Friday

I have decided to let this day end early, as it has been an emotionally weird day for me, and not a day which I care to prolong, for that reason alone. Is there something in the air which is causing me to be overly emotional about ridiculous things, or is it a signal of final morning for those thoughts and things which brought the sadness into my day? I would love to say that this is the turning point in my period of mourning  for those things  I feel I have lost, and that I am finally moving on and allowing myself to forget those hurts and forge ahead past lost or failed relationships - and the failed non-relationships, but the fucked up truth is I know that would be a lie. I can't lie to myself with conviction though, so there is no point in trying.

Thursday Morning Thoughts

I woke up this morning to the sound of the wind blowing and rain slamming against the windows. Magnificent! I don't know why I get so pumped up and turned on by the wind and the rain, but it always brings with it the desire to indulge in  lascivious acts with a dark-skinned, athletically muscled, free with his inner freak man.